March 10th, 2007 by xiaokai
everybody thought that i have a happy family
even i myself thought so
today i do not…
its was the second time she ever said that to me
i was too weak
this is the first time i cried in bed…
nobody’s there
November 30th, 2006 by xiaokai
it’s 2 ++ in de morning, i shld be slpin at this hour. But my brains juz doesnt wanna rest. I know they are tired, but i cant help thinkin n thinkin…
in our brains, its a world of our own. Thoughts that only we think, feelings only we feel, and words that we never spoke were all kept inside the small volume. It’s a very complex system to understand.
in my brain, stores lots of thoughts and feelings. Thoughts of the ugly side of human and feelings i have for every person i know. These feelings were always with me and only i knew them. Not even my gf is close to knowing them.
Its kinda weird how feelings were introduced to a human mind. Are they juz there when we were born?? Or slowly gained as our life experience increase?? What if feelings actually?? Are they part of a human body?? Are they needed in human?? Would it be better if feelings were taken off human??
I myself thinks that feelings are juz like one of our 5 senses. Their function is to lead us to maximum comfort and happiness.
As our age grows, we get exposed to more and more happenings, and every happening gives us a feeling. Whether we are happy and comfortable with this feeling or down and uneasy. Then, our mind juz record it down and tells us if we like it anot. If we felt easy with a feeling, we are sure to want more of it. but when we get irritated by them, we wan them gone and never return.
But is it better if there is no feelings in this world?
Lookin on the bright side of it, we will no longer feel pain physically or mentally. Not to feel tired no matter exhausted we are. no more stress in our lives and live a carefree world.
but we loses happiness, we loses joy, we loses satisfaction, we loses love. Without them, we cant even feel carefree even we are stress-free. We will end up being are ice cold and living the life of a machine, which is no different from dead workers of life.
After much consideration, i accept the existence of feelings. But i juz wish the negative ones are gone. Hope we can purchase feelings individually and not let them come in a package.
In feelings, there is one of them called love. I myself have lots of queries about it. i doubted the existence of it. does it realli exist in this world??
what is love actualli? Getting ur partner to fulfil every single one of ur wish is called being loved? Or getting every single thing ur partner can offer u is called being loved?
I m totally confuse over it. In my relationship, i loves and hates my gf at the same time. I know i love her cause i did stuffs i never thought i would do to show i cared and concerned. but i realli do hate her for not understanding me. Eg: today - cant u see i m tired?? for what u wanna get angry wif me for being tired?? I cant realli get what u are tryin to do. i accept the reason that u got angry with me because u tried all ways contacting me and thus gets irritated. but i dun see no reason u shld continue being angry with me after i explained myself clearly to u.
Its kinda weird that people can feel both love and hate to a person at the same time. Its like feeling hungry and full at the same every moment. Impossible yet possible.
maybe if the world could be restarted and reformated. with the system rewrited. erasing all the negative, it would be a utopia.
all we can do now is juz to wait for that never ever comin day to arrive ba…
but while waiting for it, i wanna remind any readers reading this. Do treasure every moment u have with everybody ard u. And if possible, make them happy. This will bring us closer to utopia.
17th n 18th of may
May 18th, 2006 by xiaokaihmm… may… may is defitely de month whr there’s the most bdae celebration in my class le la… first lilian’s..den ytd yl’s bdae… todae is steph’s… soon will be min yee’s.. so on and forth… haha… esp when all their bdaes happen on LEE MEE FA’s class…LOL! everytime lesson half way jiu stop fer celebration… sooner ltr she confirm dulan… haha..but this is POLY! so who cares!
our class now gt this tradition dat who ever havin bdae… must treat de class… originated ME! haha… since my bdae…, whoever havin bdae mus treat the class makan sumthing… in between onli tt lilian nv treat… cmi…
yl’s treat was $110… steph’s was $90+++, next is min yee’s… mee soto???? dun la… eh min yee… if u readin this… dun treat mee soto la… cmi lei… our class haven kena treat crystal jade lei… hoooooooooooo
SAY SAY SAY
recently alot tings comin up… term tests, youth cup, world cup, nba finals…etc
term test ar…tink buang ba… but nvm… first term onli
youth cup ar… since kena grouped in de death grp.. tink oso buang … n WHY!!!??? WHY I GET NO. 5??? alamak… nobody takin no 12 wad … why foo register mi as 5? sian la…
world cup… cannot watch all de matches as they say u nid to sign up for some stuff for the cpmplete coverage… den muz update de scv box oso… abit too troublesome…
nba finals… wee-u-wee… expect the unexpected… alot of teams win unexpectedly… and the gd teams like meetin each other in de early stages… tink this yr de champion will be unpredictable… must watch
stop here first. to be continue
ps: and ya… conductin jap class here…haha.. learn as i learn…
KAIWEN JAP CLASSROOM
lesson 1
totto-to usero! = fuck off
chibi = shorty
baka janai? = u stupid or wad?
lesson 1 completed!
3rd
April 21st, 2006 by xiaokaiin e end… we gt 3rd … its a lousi result la…
todae i gt 8 pts… shld had been more… this means tt i got to train harder lor… no other reasons… will nt find excuses for myself…
todae the match… we did real bad la… win by 6 or 7 pts onli…
we even let them lead us ard the 2nd quarter or the first … forget le…and oso… i miss a fastbreak… alamak… lousi sia… miss free throw oso… jitao cannot make it
train train train… muz get better… and better better… and better better better…
den after todae’s match… the cup is over… gt prize presentation… my first 5-5 presentation… lol… gt our trophys and den we went makan wif the champion team… my coach’s treat…
all the way the serangoon garden.. or somewhr esle.. duno
realise all our players are simply kiasu lor… i oso la.. the food haven place on the table… all start snatching liao… haha… gerald the most ke lian one la.. lol…
den after tat jiu go home… den no last train le… all go act pityful infrnt of coach wife… den we earned ourselves free cab… lol
jio jin jian come wif us den tts about the day le ba…
cup is over le… stats shows that i nid improvement…
so tts all…
lose again…
April 20th, 2006 by xiaokaishit… we lost to payar lebar kovan ytd…. shit… damn cock up la…
we were leading them 10++ pts and somehow the lead shrunk and they overlead us….
but to come to tink of it… they deserve to win la… who ask ur team morale to be so low… kovan’s marale was high last night… then our team during the last few min all like juz wanting to score… forget about eveything otehr tings le… tts y we lost…
ytd i did badly too… 5pts onli…
lesser n lesser as each match passes… wad the hell..
todae is 3rd n 4th placing match
i muz score more defintely… if nt , even if we win… i still tink tt we lose…
match at 7.30 pm
ltr if we did nt win by 20pts… den i tink killiney realli cannot make it le ba…
our team juz doesnt have team work…shit it… but nvm… juz win ltr can liao…
VERSUS SKUDAI
April 19th, 2006 by xiaokaitodae, or shld be sae ytd…. played wif skudai… alamak…they are juz too strong la… we lost… 61-47
scored onli 6 pts… ji tao sian 1/2
nvm… todae up next against payar lebar… we muz win…!!
after we win, versus skudai again… lol.. for first -second placing
hmm…. payar lebar quite a strong team… wif alot of 3pts shooters…
pray today they all off form and we will win them… HAHA… aimin to score more than 15pts tml… aimin onli ar…
to be continued tml….
12pts
April 18th, 2006 by xiaokaithis blog refers to ytd’s match…
ytd too tired le… so slp first.blog now
versus potong pasir… 61-50…. killiney WIN!
but win veri lil lei… alamak…
i gt 12pts… yea! first time !… and its all thanks to ryan, chalton and willy la… if they nv see mi… jiu sian 1/2 liao… will be like 2pts…
10 pts all they asist mi den i go on slow version of fastbreaks de…
next game will be up on skudai or kovan…. hopefully i can handle it …
i wanna score in all the games….
ok.. tts it for now… go makan liao… after next game den blog
